User talk:Creppyspider100
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The One that Never Killed page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Mystreve (talk) 16:17, July 25, 2014 (UTC) Re: The One that Never Came Sadly, the story really goes nowhere. It just sounds like a bunch of children trick-or-treating, which is nothing too spectacular. You also didn't use paragraphs, which is a no-no. I did notice though, that you had minimal spelling errors throughout and can tell you enjoy writing. I can usually spot a potential writing talent from a mile away and feel you might have what it takes. Take the time to plan your story out. This site will still be here waiting for you. Use an outline if you have to, but just make sure you have a well-developed story before you put it up. Please don't give up. Take what I said as a learning experience, write a killer story, and put it in our Writer's Workshop. I'd like to see if my instincts were correct with you :) Regards, Mystreve (talk) 18:09, July 25, 2014 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:51, March 23, 2015 (UTC) RE: Story Your story was taken down as it was not up to quality standards. Starting with the smaller things. Your second paragraph is way too large. A typical paragraph consists of five-ten sentences. (I see Mystreve warned you about this in his message above.) Any more and it's a headache to read and can cause users to mistakenly re-read lines over. Additionally ellipses are typically reserved to indicate pauses in dialogue/omission of words from a quote. Using it as a 'dramatic pause' can come off as melodramatic, especially when the story is written as a non-verbal narrative. Additionally numbers smaller than ten should really be written out to make it appear more formal. Finally, do not indent paragraphs as they cause formatting issues on this wiki. Wording issues: "I woke up in a lab, not knowing myself, only knowing that, I've been all alone, not even saddened by that." (Missing words and could be broken into two sentences), "My Mom was turning around to go wash here (her) hand when a police officer over (???) shot her in the head,", "I may also (not necessary) give you a bad picture of the scientists, but they were not actually evil, many of them truly cared about me because only one did not relate to me." (Phrasing, that seems like it should be two sentences), "He was just a body, with nothing.", "But, I couldn't." (A sentence fragment.), "Then, because he lost himself in the process, he killed himself." Capitalization issues: words like "Phantoms", "Mom"/"Dad" shouldn't be capitalized if you name your parents afterwards, "Half-Phantom" should only have the proper noun capitalized. Grammar: it's= it is, its=possession. "it's hour hand" Story issues: The story feels rushed and the protagonist's "Phantonite" energy is really left unexplained until it is used against the officer, which comes off as sudden/random. Finally, this story seems more like an introduction for your OC/creepypasta character and doesn't really attempt to have much of a storyline (other than being an origin story) Where exactly is the conflict/drive of this story. (Other than introducing Reject.) There were a number of issues here that made the story fall below our quality standards and a candidate for deletion. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:24, March 25, 2015 (UTC) :Here is a copy of your story. Please don't reupload it. | creepypasta.wikia.com | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] | Underscorre (talk) }} 16:06, March 26, 2015 (UTC)